Are you trying to remove yourself from an abusive relationship? Try to take heart in knowing you’re not alone. According to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, 1 in 4 women has been the victim of sexual assault, often by an intimate partner. Let’s be clear: for years law enforcement and society have failed to adequately protect victims of domestic violence. Parents, by example, continue to teach their sons and daughters that hitting mom is somehow OK.
Law Enforcement and Domestic Violence
In some jurisdictions, law enforcement still fails to arrest abusers or use red flag laws to remove firearms from the home. Instead, victims are still encouraged to seek an order of protection, even though doing so all too often incites further violence or the victim being murdered.
The Reality of Protection Orders
Remember the game rock, paper, scissors? Sadly, fists and bullets trump paper.
Planning Ahead for Safety
At the moment, moving may seem overwhelming, but it’s crucial to get out of your current situation and into safety. Today, Action Plus Bail Bonds invites you to read on for helpful tips that help you start fresh in an area where you feel safe and secure.
It may seem overwhelming, but if you even feel that you and your children are at risk, get out and into a place where you are safe and secure. PLAN AHEAD AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT. Talk to your local domestic violence shelter and don’t hesitate to go there if there is a serious threat to you or your children.
Get to Safety
Prioritizing personal safety is the foremost step for a domestic abuse survivor planning to move out. It is crucial to devise a discreet and well-thought-out exit plan, which may involve identifying a safe time to leave and securing a confidential location to stay, such as a friend’s house or a shelter. The involvement of local authorities or a domestic abuse helpline can provide additional support and resources for a safe transition. It’s also important to have a small, ready-to-go bag with essential items and important documents, ensuring minimal obstacles during the departure.
What to Take
Knowing how you will escape is essential to making a quick getaway. Are you going to hop in your car or call a friend to pick you up? If you’re taking your car, make sure the gas tank is already full.
Before you leave, make sure you have money saved up for essentials, or even a hotel or Airbnb. This might mean stashing it in a tampon box or inside of a sock in a drawer. Think of places where your abuser is unlikely to look.
Make sure you also have your birth certificate, driver’s license, passport, car title, social security card, credit cards, marriage license, clothes, medications, and other key belongings. Take the time to erase your internet browsing history on your computer and phone as well as your call log. You can also create a false trail for your abuser by calling motels or real estate agents at least six hours from where you plan to relocate.
Mail and Privacy Protection
Go online to the postal service and request that your mail either be held at the post office or sent to a P.O. box. You might also check to see if your state has a Safe at Home program.
Explore Housing and Security Options
When seeking a new residence, it’s vital to choose a location where the abuser is unlikely to search, such as a different neighborhood or a neighboring city. Consider properties that offer added security features like gated entry or a 24-hour surveillance system. Investing in an easy-to-install, budget-friendly smart security system provides an added layer of protection and peace of mind in your new home, especially if it lacks existing security measures.
If you’re worried about the costs of moving, know that some companies offer free services to domestic abuse survivors. This will help make sure you get somewhere safe, no matter the financial situation you’re in.
Connect with Tools and Services for Finding Work
Finding a job can be a daunting task, particularly for those who have been out of the workforce due to an abusive relationship. However, many shelters and government organizations offer dedicated services to assist in job hunting, providing resources such as resume building and interview preparation. Additionally, these organizations often have connections with local employers who are sympathetic and understanding of your situation, further easing the job search process.
List your work-related skills and any experience you have in a resume to include with your job applications. You can do this for free using a free resume builder. If you need access to a computer to do this, libraries, SSA offices, and unemployment agencies can often help.
Steps to Ensure Safety and Well-being
- Apply in advance for public assistance, medical care, cash, and food stamps.
- Ensure you have adequate clothing for yourself and your children that require minimal care.
- Plan your exit:
- Ideally, if your abuser has been arrested and is in jail.
- If they aren’t in custody or away for any reason, act as if you were running a routine errand, e.g., pick up your child at school, and never return.
- Do not share your plans; the fewer people that know, the safer you and they will be.
- If it becomes necessary to appear for a custody or child support hearing, ask if it can be done by phone or a service such as Zoom. Often a local domestic violence service can assist you.
- If it becomes necessary to retrieve something from home, request that law enforcement accompany you.
- Finally, give yourself time to heal and know that you’re not alone!
Take Care of Yourself
During the challenging process of moving out as a domestic abuse survivor, managing stress is essential for clear decision-making. When faced with overwhelming choices, taking a moment for deep breathing exercises can provide a much-needed pause, allowing for a calmer evaluation of the situation. Seeking support from trusted friends, counselors, or support groups can also offer emotional relief and practical advice.
